Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Silence of the Ritual

Nobody believes in God anymore. There are moments of clarity in the throes of mental illness, of delusion, hallucinations, anxiety and terror. While the mind is swept up and clarity is lost, the totality of the personality of the Christian is atheistic; it must be because to live our lives in this time is an utter, unblinking confession to atheism. To touch the ground, and smell the air upon birth, is to feel a world and eventually witness a world that is totality devoid of God. Belief does not overtake the Christian, but rather, the mental anguish, the terror, the anxiety forces the actions of the person that wants to alleviate the pain of atheism. The obsessive-compulsive knows and believes their rituals are meaningless, and are embarrassed by them, they, however, must do them to alleviate the anxiety they feel when they haven't acted. The Christian is not far from this. They in truth know they do not believe, but the anxiety of not acting out their various rituals of mind and body overwhelm them with unending anxiety.

It nauseates me to hear thanks to God or a mention of God when people see something wonderful such as a beautiful landscape. All that is great is lost. The person that could have enjoyed the immediacy of the beauty must think of God. Perhaps the anxiety of being overtaken by something, something sublime that makes us feel small, meaningless and unimportant must be destroyed with the thought of God. It is like counting all that is in the world by 7 incessantly. All that is lost, all that is alienated and removed from you so you can in the most petty fashion silence your anxiety, your dread at the unknown. Christianity is a horrific mental illness, and mental illness in part seems to be based in a primordial need to possess, but to go far beyond that need and possess everything. The landscape that should be but a landscape becomes our landscape as created by God for us -- and what disgusting things await the land by these diseased animals through the sheer force of their broken, minuscule, gelatinous brains have taken the cosmos for themselves!

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