Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Ontology Of What Not To Wear

I like to think of myself as very much a contemporary philosopher. The Modernist enterprise for what philosophy and any intellectual discipline should be seemed like a realm for intellectual and creative squalor -- too regimental, too specialized. Why can't pop-culture and theory have a comfortable relationship?

From this discomfort with Modernism, I've decided to bring you a new project within my blog called:
The Ontology of What Not To Wear: A Post-Modern Foray Into What Is Clearly And Distinctly Fierce

To start out with since we've stolen his epistemological terminology, I want to take a moment for Rene "Fashionably Late" Descartes.

I'm highly skeptical of God's existence being clear and distinct, but one thing that is clear and distinct is Rene needs a damn haircut, girl! I know you're busy pondering an absolute, irrefutable truth from which to build all other truths, but maybe you should look into whether or not a demon is fucking with that hair rather than that mind. This is what happens when you separate the mind from the body -- dualism and a bad hair day.

Now on to some more presuppositionless fashion criticism. One of my favorite thinkers is Nietzsche -- note that I said thinker, not dresser. Let's take a look at this hot mess:

Here's Nietzsche probably spying some hot Ubermensch. But he is forlorn because he's never going to get a date with a mustache that is so 1980s Oates from Hall and Oates. Watch out boy, he's not a proto-Nazi! Let's hope his theory of eternal return is flat out wrongbecause I don't think I could deal with having to see that mustache over and over again for all eternity -- God is dead and your mustache killed him -- oh damn!

Thus ends my highly rigorous, nearly mathematical analysis of two prominent philosopher's fashion senses. A truly post-modern endeavor into the unexplored realm of popular culture and philosophical theory.

1 comment:

Patrick said...

For my own part Fred reminds me of the guy from mythbusters with the big poofy mustache. I like the mustache, although there is very little chance that you'll see me sporting a flavor saver (mustache)of that or any other description.