No Boltbus Stops At Arby's Till Brooklyn!

Well I did it. I slapped that pig Boston right in the face, and I shacked up with Brooklyn. Will be living in Brooklyn sometime mid August. I'm excited about it. There's going to be a lot of eating, as the food that I've had in Manhattan goes unrivaled in depth and complexity of flavor. Maybe there is something in the water that makes the pizza dough just right, and the people a little crazier than average. I do not know. All I do know is that I hope my body can withstand the hedonistic onslaught and the Brooklyn sewer system can withstand the aftermath.

The only thing I'm not excited about is being around Hasidic Jews. As a marvelously confusing half-Jew (ethnicity) and non-Jew (religious), I feel in small, sometimes superficial ways connected to these people. My weird if non-existent relationship with the reform Jewish community of the Andovers has filled my head with unfortunate, irrational emotions mainly through negative reinforcement and post-traumatic associations.

The little shits that used to torture me in hebrew school because I was a new kid would say things like "he doesn't look Jewish" in class further enforcing my feelings as the outsider half-Jew and new kid; yes, something like "you don't look Jewish" can be an insult with the right context. But now, thanks to facial hair, the "knot" between all men of Middle Eastern origin, I look much more Jewish than I did when I was a boy. Walking through Brooklyn I saw some of the Hasidic men had "copper-colored" beards -- like me! My freakish, unexplainable facial hair color is passing me here and there on the faces of men on the street! I share some weird biological link to these fancy hat mimes with beautifully conditioned locks flowing in the hot, browning soot of Brooklyn streets. It's odd for me to see all of this. It's even stranger to see a man dressed in clothes inspired by fashion statements, maybe necessities, from at least 300 years ago pushing fancy strollers around with modern conveniences (blackberries) and the modern inconvenience of addled, ADHD children locked in. I guess foodstamps for your 10 kids will lead to some cognitive difficulties related to malnutrition -- is Wonderbread kosher? NOT ON PASSOVER!!! Is there a foodstamps brand matzoh!?

What the fuck is going on here? Reform Judaism made me believe that all Jewish people go to college, have a maximum of 2 children and are one of the social groups that herald liberal, socialistic and enlightenment values -- and they all own an n64 that they got for Hanukkah -- and they all own your local bank that they got through THE GLOBAL ZIONIST MOVEMENT FOR WORLD DOMINATION LED BY JEWISH REPTILIAN ALIENS. Normal suburbia shit, right? These Jews though do nearly everything except white-collard jobs; they live in bustling cities usually right next to projects where rent is extremely cheap; and they are as conservative as your southern Evangelical Christian. Women do not work, they stay at home to raise the Wondermatzoh hordes and they must dress by strict guidelines. All members of this group bring their religion into every aspect of their lives, and they are completely informed by religious texts and religious charismatic leaders. They interact with the outside world pragmatically to meet occupational and financial goals, but they generally seem very standoffish and mostly concerned with only the people in their group. You can determine a hasidic apartment building complex by the presence of gates and barriers at every window and door; physical displays of a clear attitude and ideology -- surmised with "LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!"

Their lifestyles seem to work pretty well for them. They've managed to live right next to the places where Biggie Smalls and Jay-Z grew up, and not one of those Hasidic Jews could go toe-to-toe with the Beastie Boys. Well, maybe Matisyahu, but he doesn't count since be was initially a Phish groupie/rasta-lovin' hippie musician before he was turned to the dark side by Darth Baal Shem Tov. Show me some Hasids rockin dreads for sideburns, getting their swagger on, ghost riding their 92 LeSabre with 5 baby seats, and looking in the mirror to say "what's up?" -- get money!!! It's frightening how impervious they are regarding many aspects of their environment and greater society.

I don't know how to end these thoughts or make them cohere, so I'll just finish it with one thought: Hasidic Jews are a good example of what happens when white people stop listening to what black people have to say. Hasidic Jews are locked away in their condo zoos across the street from a boisterous playground next to the projects. They study the "tremble-inducing rhymes" of YtothedashtotheHWH, but they have no time for hip hop. "With rhymes like those, Moses, I would have broken those shit stone tablets too!" Hasidic Jews are so troublesomely stimulating for me because of my loose relations to them, and their dual presence of embodying nearly every single aspect I hate about religion while retaining very few to none of the things I find condescendingly endearing.

Why Everybody Thinks Vegetarians Are Fascists:

*MS Paint Showing Mussolini's Approval of Heather Mill's Vegan Ruthlessness

Some dumb celebrity by the name of Heather Mills decided to buyout a seafood restaurant in England. The plan: close the establishment that was popular in the area and open up an all vegan restaurant called "V-bites." Oh, and whilst conquering the world with your endless celebrity resources, make sure you take no prisoners. She proceeded to fire every single staff member of the old restaurant without consideration. Slash and burn business ethics -- hmm, very fitting of a holier-than-thou, supposedly ethically-motivated vegan.

Now I support anybody's decision to pursue vegetarianism and veganism. I think it's damn great in most cases. I love vegetarian and vegan restaurants myself. I also love clearly marked vegetarian meal choices on menus at non-vegetarian restaurants so I can feel comfortable knowing that there isn't ground up horse balls in my soup. But, all is not well in our utopian, vegan fast-food chain world. There is a very essential principle that comes first before the well-being of the environment and animals. It is vital for people to choose free of coercion, threat and symbolic assault. Vegetarianism shouldn't be dogmatic, punitive and religious like it is when it's forced down people's throat in this manner. Without the volition of the individual to choose rationally, free of any threat is essential for a healthy vegetarian community and society -- a healthy society in regard to any issue.

V-bites which sells "veganized" fast-food is not a decision made by a community group or by the demand of the local people. It is some fucked up, vegan McDonald's that wants to force its product through any means necessary; well, almost any means, since this brand of vegetarianism that Heather Mill's subscribes to, something akin to PETA's praxis of their ideology, demands that while its ultimate goal is world-wide conversion to their ideology, it still can't help but play its loved role as the martyred victim; without failure, vegan stunts and identity would struggle to understand itself because its core need, in this brand of veganism, is a stuggled elitism that won't allow itself to be absorbed into greater society. V-bites will probably fail at least in some way or another if it doesn't completely shut down; it most definitely will not bring about any new converts of average omnivorous eaters that will feel alienated, attacked and resentful of Mill's symbolic condescension. It will also help to feed the fire that surrounds vegetarianism as a snobby, petty and militantly aggressive group of people that exist for the sole purpose to agitate greater society -- an outline for the mainstream's opinion about any group deemed "radical" or "leftist."

What vegetarianism needs is not public stunts and ploys that play into and use the very structure that birthed the injustices that forced vegetarianism to be form in response. How different is V-bites from a shitty Hardee's or a McDonald's? A veganized chain would significantly reduce animal cruelty, environmental destruction and may provide slightly healthier alternatives to standard meat-based junk food by cutting out all the excesses of the meat and dairy industry, but the entire order, the structure, the fast-food, consumer capitalist universe of easy, endless, efficient, thoughtless consumption is still being fed itself -- fed like the fat vegetarians that look a lot like the fat meat-eaters at McDonald's but fat off of cheap soybean oil and highly-processed food rather than drug-ridden animal fats disguised as meat. One of the main reasons people are so unhealthy, fat and live personally and globally destructive lives is because they're removed from their food. This type of vegan restaurant just perpetuates the initial attitude that is so destructive in consumerism by selling itself as another thoughtless, quick and cheap way to feed yourself. Vegetarians don't need and should be opposed to these consumerist institutions of how we eat, because they are founded upon the very principles that devastate what vegetarians claim to value.

What vegetarianism also needs is the endless patience to accept that it will be an undoubtedly long process to allow for traditions, power structures and personal habits to be broken down on a massive scale that would allow for a true paradigm shift. But this process has to be slow, has to be thoughtful and has to be rationally motivated and free of the alienating forces of coercion that groups like PETA have mastered in their agitating assault on the public through consumerist media. Its lengthy gestation is equal to the final depth and strength vegetarian will have in a thoughtful society.

And I leave this for you, PETA-type vegetarians and vegans: "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you." - N-dawg

Brooklyn and why Boston sucks

I've been thinking about moving to Brooklyn. Way better apartment opportunities, jobs and a subway system that runs beyond 12:30 has sparked my interest. Also, I heard the Beastie Boys are looking for a fourth guy, and ain't nobody has seen as anybody as skilled as me. Pass the mic.

Boston is cool, but most of the city exists for rich people with strollers worth more money than I make in a month, e.g. Beacon Hill and Back Bay, and don't forget the tourists. Nearly all of downtown Boston: Fanueil hall area, Boylston street, Newbury street and the rest of it are variations of tourist traps or shitty places that are designed for people who visit the city once every couple months to either feed their fat worthless family or drink themselves to near death so they can tear the city up and get into fights. The restaurants and bars in Boston are culture-less pig troughs with their total worth illuminated by the ridiculous menu item I once stumbled upon -- truffle oil mac and cheese. Hmm, how can we appeal to fat idiots that dare leave the safety of their mac and cheese filled houses. Dare they try something new? No, they want variations of mac and cheese and buffalo-sauced meat, make sure you add some ridiculously expensive item so you can excuse charging 12 bucks for fucking durum wheat, water and some mild shitty cheese. I never go anywhere near downtown Boston on the weekend, and woe to the traveler that dares use the green line when the significantly rotund tourists are piled on. A lot of Boston has the cultural charm of a dilapidated Mid-western city but on a Manhattan budget. If you associate yourself with Irish culture even in the most superficial and insulting of ways, you have a go free pass to pretend your contributing to the culture and appeal of Boston. Though really, the bullshit Irish-ness is just contributing to Boston's faux-irish, chucky-cheese/disney world quality of artificialness.

Duck tours, fuck you.

Cambridge and Somerville are still cool though. Cool enough to maybe save Boston. If you ever come to Boston to visit, just say fuck you to the freedom trail, green line, Newbury street and duck tours and go to Central, Harvard or Porter squares in Cambridge, or Davis square in Somerville. That's where real people hang out.

San Francisco: Most Racist City In the World!!!

How long ago was it? I can't remember now, but I recall hearing about San Francisco eliminating the use of plastic bags. Hearing that I'm sure embarrassed most other progressively-minded people living in their hot bed of hip liberalism.

"Yeah, I don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but my city is definitely the Mecca for cool, intelligent people. We have bike lanes, raw food restaurants and one giant windmill that's not hooked up to anything. I smoke American Spirits on the bench next to it. Sometimes I swear I can feel the pain of Native Americans when I smoke them... but, uh, anyway..."

"Oh, really? Wow, your city sounds pretty hip. Hey, I didn't introduce myself. *Knocks blond dreadlocks out of face* My name is Om, the Buddhist meditative mantra that starts with the first possible noise in the throat and ends with the last possible noise at the closing of the lips. It's like the most complete noise ever. I'm from San Francisco."

"Cool, San Fran, that's a pretty awesome place to live. I read on yelp that you have some great vegetarian restaurants and a burgeoning World Music Hip Hop scene."

"Vegetarianism is spiritually corrupt, and the entire ideology was orchestrated by Morningstar and Boca burger to sell their overpriced faux meat. I only eat stale donuts out of local donut shop dumpsters. Power to the people!"

"You're a fucking idiot."

Chinese person holding ten plastic bags filled with various vegetables that look like variations of bok choy shuffles by.

"Wait, dude, does this city still use plastic bags!? Wow, I had no idea New York City was such a dystopian wasteland full of culture-less slobs. San Francisco outlawed plastic bags, and I think single handedly saved the Earth and the Oversoul. New York is so uncool. I'm getting on my roadbike, because I don't own a car -- what's a car even, I'm from San Fran, I don't even know what that is -- and I'm riding my bike back home to San Fran. Later, bitch."

Another city dweller devastated by the fact that they're not as crazy cool and socially progressive as San Francisco. But, really, I got to thinking about this while on the MBTA. At the Chinatown stop on the Orange line, a lot of interesting Chinese folk get on with a ridiculous assortment of plastic bags, sometimes plastic bags in plastic bags. To the sensibilities of your average, cool, white and college-educated person, this seems wasteful and impractical. Why not just use sturdy, large reusable bags and save the planet from more garbage for garbage island floating out somewhere in the ocean? That's when it hit me. White people will self-regulate and regulate each other through informal social control. Informal social control is a sociological concept that explains the process by which closer knit communities regulate deviance. If you want to be in the white people gang, you have to do white people shit or we will make fun of you, glare at you, socially ostracize you and use a host of different methods that threaten your social well-being in a community. All groups do this. But informal control doesn't work on Chinese people who don't give a shit about your norms. Nobody in San Francisco who is white was excessively using plastic bags or even using any plastic bags. I'm pretty sure of that. In Boston alone, a progressive city but no where close to San Francisco in superficiality, a white woman without a reusable bag might as well just take a shit in the middle of the train during rush hour. San Francisco made the plastic bag law to force their norms on Chinese people -- formal, governmental control! Fucking racist assholes!!!!

Michael Jackson

His death has been on my mind much more than I thought it would be. That might have something to do with being subjected to 13 hours of listening to his singles on repeat because the bartender I work with came out of the closet as probably one of the most energetic Michael Jackson fans I've ever met. How a man can listen to the same songs for that long and still mimic Michael Jackson's signature cries and croons with the same level of vigor -- I'll never know!

But I think beyond the aural imprinting that may have occurred at work, MJ's death has made me realized that his music and persona were inescapably apart of my life and the lives of all those around me. Even when I had never considered myself a true fan, I'm still sort of a MJ fan because of the sole fact that I grew up in the US. His death feels significant as a historical event where a death of most other celebrities or public figures would just bring about a much more intellectual and isolated response in myself. There was a time before his death and a time after, and everything in some way feels shifted.

Sha'mon! WOOOOO!

Tell Me I'm The Only One

I'm thinking of broadening the scope of this blog to make it more dynamic and to facilitate routine, consistent updates. The idea of this blog originally started with the intention of having a relatively easy creative outlet for writing. Something that would inspire more effort, more clarity and more feedback beyond private writing. It was originally supposed to be themed as an autobiographical look into being a useless sack of shit college graduate in Boston, but the landscape where the blog started became virulently and uncontrollably political because of the urgency of Obama's bid for presidency. Those political musing evolved into a type of "metaphysics" for understanding and further fleshing out my own views on politics and current events. I started to drop some serious philosophy bombs that are probably equal in their profundity and amateurism.

In order to make this blog more approachable, more engaging and less like a post-traumatic flashback of that rambling, angry nerd in your philosophy class you hated, I figured I'd break down the little rigor I maintained on the blog and turn it into something like a "tumble blog" as my dearest friend JP has termed it. Though it will be much more substantive than the average tumble blog, and it will never be allowed to degrade in form to the nightmarish wasteland of twitter. I will never post about how "mad dope" Pizza Hut's -- oh, sorry, The Hut's pasta bowls are, or complain about my life with appropriate emoticon attached. It should loosen things up here and allow me to make more posts of varying degrees of entertainment and insight. In sum, this blog will act as a quasi-journal, readable inner-monologue, guide to the best parts of the Internet, and soapbox for when I fucking flip out about how stupid you're being.

LFO

My summer in 7th grade would have been so different if the lyrics of this song actually went "Chinese people make me sick." Pop acts should not only push the envelope on sexuality, they should also use race as an effective means to shock people and sell albums. The market remains untapped. Where sex would once get you arrested for obscenity, it is now a necessary, veiled element to sell popular music. I can see it all, a Britney Spears for an age of pop music that centers around forms of racism. "My new hit 'Auschwitz Ass Shake' is a real tease at how danceable a Jew-free world would be, but I'm not an anti-Semite -- look at my Star of David clad promise ring -- promise not to hate the Jews."

But this is all just speculation at what an alternate world of indecent pop music might be like. I still often wonder was I the only decent person in middle school? There was not enough hatred directed toward LFO's masterful piece of turd. Why must honest people be punished and friendless so that the rest of society can have their carefree, pop-cultural blasphemy against the human spirit? Now I follow most pop-culture with a bloodlust for its total destruction, its unhinging, for some chaos to emerge in its plastic formality.

I'm pretty tired of the confused heterosexuality and machismo of Hollywood movies these days. It seems the past 5 years have been inundated with movies directed at the early pubescent brains of teenage, violent, moronic boys. I swear every goddamn time I want to go see a movie, I'm forced to choose from a list that makes me feel like I'm rifling through some nerd's semen-covered comic book collection in his parent's basement. I suspect this is because the category of teenage boys has greatly expanded with the mainstreaming of video games, making unfulfilled manhood not only socially acceptable but also economically beneficial for those charging 50-60 bucks for one video game, and those that don't want to pay writers to write good screen plays for real movies. Now, those who should be men remain teenage boys well into their twenties and beyond, often avoiding the challenges and responsibilities of manhood. It's much easier to play video games for the rest of your life and fantasize about the masculinity you don't possess but find in the hyperbolic brutes like the historic, "gay/not-gay", frat guys/Spartans of the movie 300 and the claw-wielding bozo Wolverine. Wolverine, the movie, was marketed to the "expanded teenage boy group" by making sure Hugh Jackman's HGH and steroid-filled muscles were as glistening as possible to appeal to the closeted, homosexual arousal of said group. Though they can't quite conceive of it or understand it, there are many social factors at work repressing such a sexuality, their attraction to these buff super heroes is undoubtedly sexual. After getting all hot and bothered watching Wolverine, they probably then go on to play video games, bonding on their hatred of the abstracted "fag" that none of them are -- thank god! And that brings me onto another issue I have with our society, what absurd levels of contradictions we maintain!